The Devil Inside
by mynxi
Summary: Jasper's heart is broken by Maria & he just wants to be a player. Does Bella change his mind or knock him off his rocker? Nothing is as it seems.  For the Love of Jasper Contest Winner see inside for details.
1. Chapter 1

The Devil Inside

By: Mynxi

Entry for Peter's Darlin's Love Bites Contest

Winner for Best Plot and Voter's Choice

* * *

I couldn't believe she was doing this to me! It's Valentine's Day! Of all the days she'd pick to dump me it was today! I asked Bella weeks ago to go to the Washington University's Valentine's Day dance and she accepted. Then that moron came along, what's his name? Oh yeah Emmett! Emmett the big dumb biker guy comes along and there she goes snuggled up on his arm. I could feel the darkness closing in on me. I couldn't believe this was happening, again!

I was 6'3" of sex on legs and I knew it! Damn it! I couldn't even be mad at her. I was however, furious at me. I knew she was the devil. I knew it! Well yes, I could be mad at her, but I'd take her back if she'd let me. I loved her. I've loved her since the first day of classes when she sat down next to me in our Civil War History class. Her chestnut hair fell down her back and rested on her shoulders, her chocolate eyes looked into my green ones with an intensity that made me shiver, she could see my soul. Her perfect little rosy pouty lips said the most beautiful and mundane word. Hello. Her voice was beautiful, melodic and once I heard that one word I knew I could listen to her talk all day.

I was playboy, a cowboy in Washington, I could have any woman I wanted and frequently did. She was different. She was shy but bold enough to sit next to me and blush at her one word greeting. I gave her the best panty-dropping smile I had. I wanted to make her mine. But she was different and I could feel that immediately. I couldn't explain it and my friends thought I was nuts. All Edward would ever say was that I needed to do her and pass her on. He was my best friend and roommate, a player like me, but he would not be getting this kitten.

It started a month ago when the new semester started. She sat down next to me and I was hers almost immediately. I asked her out that very night. She blushed but accepted my dinner invitation. I'd guess she didn't know me or my reputation. I could only figure she was innocent in more ways than one because if she knew anything about me, I was sure she would have avoided me all together. The nice girls always do and she was definitely a nice girl. I introduced myself and we shook hands. That contact left my skin tingling and I couldn't believe how warm her hand was. I almost had to guess that the blush in her cheeks covered her entire body. Hmm...her body.

I was lost in that thought as the professor started class that day. Her body, she was petite and perfect, only standing about 5'1" or 5'2" she had curves in all the right places and it was easy to tell. She didn't dress like a super model. She wore tight blue jeans and a form fitted green t-shirt with a fairly deep v-shaped neckline, I got a good glance at the cleavage but only because I was taller. I smiled at that thought. Even though it was a bit conservative compared to what was available it was still a nice view for me.

I took her to dinner that night at a quiet French restaurant I knew about not too far from campus. I was doing my best to impress and I always aimed to please. We had a good time that night and I surprised myself by not pushing for more than a kiss. I think I was a bit intimidated to find out that her father was a Chief of Police. Even if it was a small town she's from that I've never heard of, he's a cop and that mattered. When I dropped her off at her dorm I walked her to her room door. She thanked me but didn't invite me in. I was honestly nervous for the first time in a long time when we got to her door so I was relieved that invitation never came.

I got her number earlier in the night and promised to call her tomorrow. I leaned in for what I was assuming was going to be a quick nice to know you kind of kiss but she surprised me. She pulled me down wrapping her arms around my neck and crashing into my lips with a force and intensity I didn't expect from this kitten. My tiger-kitten. I felt her tongue run across my lower lip slowly, caressing asking for entrance which I granted. And Dear God was she sweet! I knew what I saw her eat and she tasted nothing of her dinner but had her own honeyed sugar flavor. This was what they mean by sugar-lips.

Our kiss lasted several minutes because I was not willing to break it and had in turn backed her against her door. She moaned into my mouth as she thudded lightly on the door and pulled me closer. I kept one hand on the door and the other on her hip, my body pressed lightly against hers and I could feel her breasts rubbing against my abdomen and the rest of her body meeting mine perfectly. We never battled for dominance in the kiss. Once she started it she pulled back and it was all mine. Her hands locked around my neck played gently with the blond curls at the nape of my neck but stayed in that one place.

"Get a room!" was hollered from down the hallway effectively breaking us from our kiss. The only kiss I've ever had where my soul seemed to be on display for the other person. It was a surreal feeling and I couldn't say it was completely unwelcome. She was going to be the death of me. I could tell that after one date. Her face blushed and I made sure to watch as that blush covered her cheeks, neck, and down into the little black dress she was wearing. Her hair had been pulled up so it gave me quite a nice view of her neck and I felt the yearning desire to mark her as mine. But I'd wait. I wouldn't go overboard with her. I had to have her but I could take my time. This one, I oddly wanted to keep.

Amazingly enough, I did call her the next night which I never did, but I couldn't stop thinking about her, about that kiss. I always conveniently lost phone numbers. But this one, this one I was keeping. She was a raving beauty and she would be mine. I'm not sure I even knew then that I was in love with her, but thinking back that's the only thing it could have been. We spent every night on the phone and since we had class three times a week together I saw her often. We went out on the weekends and quickly became each other's life.

I only had one worry. What about my reputation?

I didn't have to wait long for answer; I was so worried she'd hear about it from someone else I decided to bring it up our first weekend together. That was the first weekend after I met her and I remembered that conversation like it was yesterday, it was life changing.

"Bella?" I asked hesitantly while we sat in my apartment.

Edward knowingly gave me the space for the evening at my request. I made Bella dinner even if it was only spaghetti and salad it was easy and I could cook it, so she was impressed, that's how I worked.

"Huh?" she inquired around a mouth full of food.

I had never had to have that conversation and I couldn't eat. I was nervous she was going to walk out on me. I really liked her, in a way that I had never liked anyone, not since high school. But Maria was not something I cared to think about. I loved her and she left me for Peter. Peter was my best friend and he stole my girlfriend. I wanted to kill myself when that happened. I had actually tried. I tried to hang myself in the garage but before I could take the leap off the ladder my mom came home. She found me and put me into a psychiatric hospital for 2 weeks.

It was embarrassing and I made sure then and there I wasn't going to let another person into my life. I was never going to love again. I couldn't, it would kill me if I did. My thoughts of Maria clouded my mind and took my attention from Bella at dinner. I came back from the hell of my memories looking into her soft chocolate eyes and knew it was too late. I loved her and she had the power to crush me. I didn't want her to have that power but I didn't want to be without her, so again I'll put my heart on the line. I'll tell her about my past and my whoring ways and when she leaves I'll be no one. I set myself up for this heartbreak. I guess I needed to get on with it.

"Where'd you go?" she asked and I wasn't quite ready to answer that question so I lied.

That was easy, I could lie to anyone. It came with the person I was, the person I had become. "Sorry I was gathering my thoughts. I had something I wanted to talk to you about," I stated with perfect clarity not giving anything away to the battle raging in my heart.

She nodded for me to continue. "Bella, I have a reputation around here. I thought it best you hear it from me, before it gets back to you," I stated as confidently as I could but I was scared and I'm sure she could hear it in my voice.

She just nodded. What did that mean? Go on or that she already knew? I knew she wouldn't be here if she knew. I gave her a puzzled look, not sure what to do. She smiled a wicked smile. Holy Shit! Tiger-kitten was back and looking sexier than ever and she knows! Who was this woman? I knew my response to her smile was a look of wide-eyed shock.

"I know," she stated calmly with that wicked grin still firmly in place.

"You…you do?" I asked amazed. She smirked at me and God she was sexy as hell.

"I always have," she said with a nod of her head. "Jasper, in all honesty we are both juniors at this college, do you think there is a female that doesn't know about you, that has been here more than a year?" she asked condescendingly.

That put me on my guard. What was she doing here if she knew? She was a good girl. Her father was a cop. What the hell?

I voiced my concern, "What the hell? You've always known? Then why agree to go out with me?" I asked incredulous.

She was blushing beet red. "I wanted a ride," she whispered in answer and I was shocked. I couldn't believe my ears. She was _using me_ for sex? Memories of Maria came crashing around me as I remembered the day she broke up with me.

"You're only good for one thing and that's the ride, baby. I'm done ridin' you though. I've found someone I could love and he loves me back. You were nothin' but my toy and I'm done playin'," she stated in a chipper tone as she flipped her midnight hair at me and walked away.

She left me standing there on the sidewalk in front of our school with everyone watching as she walked into the arms of Peter and gave him a deep searing kiss. I felt my heart breaking all over again. I clutched at my chest as I came back and saw Bella looking scared.

"Jasper? What's wrong? Jasper, say something?" she was yelling, kneeling next to me and I realized I was on the floor.

How did I get down here?

I still couldn't talk all I could do was look at her, through her. I didn't want to see her. I had already fallen in love with her and she was no better than that bitch from high school. The reason I never let myself get close to anyone. I was good at one thing, I excelled at it even and I used it. It was fun. It took my mind off the need to feel loved. I would never feel love again and that just cemented it. The one time I thought I could honestly like someone and she did this to me.

I felt the blackness closing in on me and I prayed for death. I knew Bella was talking I just couldn't care what she was saying. All I could do was pray that the blackness enveloped me and I never had to deal with this shit again.

The next thing I knew I was waking up in bed. I looked around to see Bella sitting on a chair at the foot of my bed looking very tired and stressed staring at her hands resting in her lap. She was still wearing the mint green strapless dress she wore at dinner. I wasn't sure what time it was or how I got in my bed.

"Bella?" I croaked out, my voice scratchy from sleep. Her head snapped up and her chocolate pools met my eyes showing concern and worry.

"Jasper? Jasper! He's awake!" she yelled towards the closed door and I knitted my eyebrows in confusion as I looked at the door. Who was she yelling at?

Edward came in with the bimbo of the night close behind. "Jazz, Jesus man you scared us!" he spoke sternly and I was still confused, disoriented maybe.

I looked around the room again my eyes landing on the clock that said 3:16 a.m. I'm guessing the same night as my date with Bella.

"What's going on? Why are you here? How did I get in my bed?" I asked all my questions directed at Edward. I just couldn't look at Bella. I was embarrassed and sure she'd leave any minute knowing I was that I was okay. Not that I knew why she was here to begin with. I'd rather not see her go so I focused my attention on Edward and girl that was hanging on his arm. I took note that I was still in my clothes at least so I wasn't too worried about what had happened.

"I carried your heavy fucking ass in here that's what you are doing in bed," Edward said a bit irritated with a smile threatening at the corners of his mouth.

His bronze hair a bit more disheveled than usual and I realized his clothes were slightly askew with a hint of lip gloss around his lips. They had been making out in the other room waiting for me to wake up. I didn't even bother to take stock of the girl. I could care less at the moment. I raised an eyebrow at him as his activities registered and he smirked.

"Okay, you carried my ass in here. Why'd I need carrin'?" I drawled a bit too southern but it came out mostly when I was tired. I was definitely tired and confused.

"Girls?" Edward asked pointedly, looking at both of them indicating he wanted to speak to me alone. His _date_ stepped out automatically; Bella stood up and stared at me. I just focused on Edward. Now she could leave and it'd be fine, an easy out.

"Ummm…I'll just be out here," Bella said tentatively and walked through the door closing it behind her. I maintained my focus on Edward not wanting to watch her go.

"So what the fuck is goin' on?" I asked once the door was closed.

"You tell me man. From the sounds of it you had a fucking panic attack!" he exclaimed rather loudly.

I thought about it for a minute, what had happened? I remembered with all too much clarity and it _was_ a panic attack. I hadn't had one of those in two years. I sighed and nodded my head looking back up at him.

"It was, sorry man," I said quietly and full of embarrassment.

"What the fuck, Jazz? You have panic attacks? Since when? While on a date?" He fired off each question without waiting for an answer; he was frustrated.

"Man, don't worry about it, it won't happen again. Bella's gone and things will go back to normal. I promise," I said as nonchalant as I could.

"Jazz, Bella isn't gone she's sitting in the living room worrying about you. She's been here all night. I found her next you on the floor crying trying to wake you up. When I asked why she hadn't called 911 she said she you were breathing and you had a heartbeat she thought you just passed out, but didn't know why. When she described to me what had happened I agreed it was a panic attack and carried you in here. She's been sitting at the end of your bed for 3 hours. She's not leaving. So I ask again, what the fuck man?" He looked at me with concern and a bit of agitation but pointedly waiting for an answer.

"It was something Bella said, it triggered a memory okay? Nothing big and it won't happen again. Just get rid of her. Tell her I'm not up for visitors," I said, looking away from him in embarrassment.

I couldn't tell Edward what a pansy I was that I had a panic attack over a girl. That I had tried to kill myself over a girl. He'd laugh at me and probably throw my ass out of his apartment because even though we shared rent it was his place first. I wasn't losing my best friend over a girl, it wasn't happening.

"Man, get rid of your own fucking whore. I'm gonna go fuck mine! I've been waiting all night to get on her and you had to fuck that shit up. Now she probably thinks we're a couple or some shit because all I've done was make-out with her all night waiting for your sorry ass to show some life," he said with complete irritation as he headed for my door.

My anger spiked though, he didn't know Bella. "Don't call her that!" I spat at him.

He turned around and narrowed his eyes. "Why? You didn't actually fuck her so she's not a whore, yet?" he asked maliciously, goading me.

I narrowed my eyes in return. "No, she's a good girl, Edward. She's not like the others. Don't call her that!" I said angrily sitting up and putting my feet on the floor.

He continued to stare at me for a few minutes. Then like flipping a switch began laughing and I was taken aback. "Either way she's your problem. You're obviously feeling better so you take care of her," he said jovially and walked out without waiting for a response.

I sighed and went to talk to Bella. Watching as Edward stood fuming looking at the front door. "What?" I asked as I took in his anger and Bella giggled.

"His date ummm…left," she said through her giggles. I had to smile at that, though I was hoping that it was Bella who would leave.

She walked over to me and wrapped her arms around my waist like it was the most natural thing to do. "Are you okay? What happened?" she asked, looking at me with true concern.

"Umm…Bella why don't you just go home, you look tired," I said flatly. Her eyebrows knitted together and then raised in realization.

"You're throwing me out?" she asked, taking a step back from me and dropping her arms.

"No, you just look tired and it's late, you should go home. I'll see you in class on Monday," I lied, I'd be dropping that class first thing Monday, even if it was required for my History major, and it was my favorite subject, I could take it next semester.

I guess I should have been a bit more careful. I had called her every night this week and since it was Friday night that meant I wasn't going to talk to her for two days. She knew it.

"Jasper, I don't understand, you asked me if I knew about your reputation and I said I did, it doesn't bother me. I'm here. I came here on my own, knowing what to expect and you're sending me away? Am I not good enough for you?" she asked as her eyes filled with tears.

Aww shit, I hate tears. Edward just stood there dumbfounded watching the whole interaction. I glared at him trying to give him the subtle hint to leave us alone but he was too busy looking at her ass and eavesdropping to pay any attention to me.

"Come on," I said, grabbing her upper arm roughly and dragging her into my bedroom slamming the door. "Bella, you just need to leave," I stated glaring at her.

"You brought me in your bedroom to tell me to leave?" She looked puzzled.

"I was just taking us away from prying eyes," I said, nodding towards the door indicating Edward in the other room.

"Jasper, I'm confused. You fuck women, lots of women. I know I'm not the most beautiful thing in the world and that I'm rather plain but I didn't think you minded. You asked me here," she said, trying to sound brave and not let the tears spill that were brimming at her lower eyelids.

Fuck. She thinks she's plain? This world was crazy. "Bella, you are beautiful and in no way plain. I'm sorry if you don't see yourself clearly but you are beautiful. I'm just not interested in a one night stand with you," I said frankly, trying to be more businesslike than emotional. I always let my emotions get the better of me.

"Isn't that what you do? One night stands?" Bella asked angrily. She was being rejected and not liking it.

I nodded my head slowly. "It is," I answered, but couldn't look at her, choosing to look at the black socks that covered my feet. I guess someone took my shoes off when they put me on the bed. I briefly searched the floor of the room and saw them by the chair Bella had sat in. I chanced a glance up at her and the tears were falling from her face as she looked towards the floor herself.

I sighed, "Bella?" Her head snapped up to look at me just like it did the first time, when I woke up. "Come here," I said as I reached my arm out for her.

She took a small step back instead of coming towards me. I took larger step towards her and then another one closing the distance between us. I wrapped an arm around her waist and drew her to me. She didn't fight me but she didn't come without force either.

"All I have wanted since you sat down next to me in that class was you. If this is what you want then I will give it to you," I said softly in her ear as I moved a few stray hairs behind her ear, breathing heavily on her ear.

I leaned in and planted a few soft kisses along her neck and returned to her ear taking the lobe into my mouth and lightly suckling it. I felt her body soften and shiver against me.

I did want her I was just hoping it could be something more. I wanted her every night, not just tonight. But this was all I was good for and I'd at least give her what she wanted. My hands moved to the back of her dress as my lips moved down to suckle on her neck just above her collar bone. She shifted her head to the side to give me better access and I unzipped the dress she was wearing. Since it was strapless it fell to the floor with ease.

"Jasper, wait," she whispered, putting her hand on my chest but didn't push me away.

"No," was all I said as I moved my lips to hers. I felt her tense and attempt to not let me in but I pushed my tongue through and she quickly acquiesced. This kiss was harder than our first; it was more forceful from me, this time. I ran my hands down her sides taking note of the bra and panties she was wearing through touch.

She kept her hands on my chest but never pushed me away. I unhooked her bra with one hand while the other pulled her hips against mine and I ground my now large and waiting erection into her stomach. She moaned at the contact and I knew there would be no more fussing from her. I reached down and picked her up by her thighs and she instinctively wrapped her legs around me. I carried her over to the bed and laid our bodies down, pressing my weight into her core. I pulled back and broke the hold she had on me with her legs. I kissed down her neck, dragging my tongue along her collar bone and landing on her right nipple. I sucked and nipped at it before turning my attentions to the left one.

She was moaning loudly and I couldn't help but take a second to smirk that Edward's whore had gone home. I guess she was my whore. That's what we called them, the girls who were just one nighters. Of course we had a couple we went to whenever we wanted and they took care of our every need those were just our sluts, because they didn't expect anything. The whores expected at least a date night. We had that reputation, so we paid for shit and they screwed us, seemed fair to me. So we had our names for them based on what we were doing with them. But I couldn't turn Bella into one of my sluts. I'd give her this the one time and move on. I focused my attention back on her.

As I sucked on her nipples my hands ghosted down her sides to her hips. They landed on her panties and I hooked them with my thumbs as I rubbed her hip bones. I began to pull them down and she complied by lifting her hips allowing me to pull them down. I pulled back from her as I slipped the panties off of her. Taking her in, she was exquisite, everything was perfect. Her rosy nipples stood at attention thanks to ministrations with my tongue, her pussy was fucking waxed bare and smooth with her pussy lips glistening with her arousal waiting for me to take her.

I figured I had nothing to lose and since this was a onetime thing I decided I had better take advantage of the situation. I took both of feet and kissed each ankle in turn as I placed them right up against her butt cheeks, opening her up nicely for me. I kneeled on the floor in front of her and quickly swiped my tongue up her satiny folds. She bucked her hips and squeaked. I smiled at that and did it again never actually touching her clit. She bucked again but this time moaned. She tasted wonderful. If her mouth was sugared honey this was sugared pussy. There was just no way something should taste this good and God I wanted it all.

I licked her again and this time I stopped to suck on her clit as I pushed two fingers into her warmth. She moaned loudly and bucked again. Did women not understand they could hurt a guy doing that? I weaved my arm between her thigh and calf and planted it firmly on her abdomen to hold her still. I continued to pump my fingers in her and suck on her clit, nipping at it now and then, while trying to hold her still. She squirmed but she quit trying to buck into me. My fingers gained momentum and sensing she was close I finally curled my fingers looking for the spongy ridges that would send her over the edge of ecstasy as she called my name. And she did call my name, along with a few other expletives.

I stood up leaving my fingers inside of her while she came back down and used my other hand to reach in the bedside table for a condom. I removed my fingers from her now dripping pussy. I dropped my pants as if my balls were on fire and put the condom on quickly.

"Jasper?" she asked quietly with her eyes still closed. I sucked her juices off my fingers hastily because I couldn't let that shit go to waste.

"Shh…darlin', I'm right here," I said as I punctuated my words by jamming my cock forcefully into her causing her to jump, yelp, and her eyes sprung open. I held still for a second to determine if she was alright. She just stared at me and panted heavily. Yep she was good. I began driving into her with force and she wrapped her legs around my waist pulling me in with each thrust. Since I was standing, I had her pulled high up off the bed to where only her shoulder blades were on the bed and this angle had me hitting her g-spot with each thrust. Her screams and cries to God and I intermixed with a few more expletives were the best I'd ever heard.

I reached down and pinched her clit and she exploded tightening her grip with her legs, yelling one final "OH YES! THANK YOU GOD!" and her body shook all over.

I came immediately after her with a roaring "YES!" and as I settled her back down on the bed. I noticed how beautiful she was glistening in the soft glow of light from the dim bedroom lamp. I had her. I gave her what she wanted and now she could leave. This was who I was and what I did. I went into my bathroom to dispose of the condom and clean myself up. I figured she'd be getting dressed.

When I returned from the bathroom she had curled up into a naked ball in the center of my bed and pulled the comforter from the side over the top of her rather than getting into the bed, her eyes closed seemingly asleep.

"What are you doing?" I asked in confusion.

"I'm sleepy," she answered without opening her eyes. "And cold," she added as she pulled the comforter tighter around her frame.

"Umm…you can go now," I said coldly, she could stay forever really, but this was what she wanted.

"I know. I'd rather not," she said sleepily punctuated by a yawn.

"How about, get out of my bed?" I meant to say it with force but it came out sounding like a question.

"No," she answered just like I had earlier.

"What's your angle, little girl?" I asked frozen in place. I always had the upper hand here and I just didn't with this woman.

"No angle. I like you and I'm sleepy," she said, rolling further into the comforter trying to stay warm. She likes me?

"Huh?" Was all I could muster.

She opened her eyes and looked at me sleepily. "Listen Jasper, I know you think I'm just a slut who wants to fuck and go but that's not the case. I like you and you like me so come to bed and we'll talk in the morning, okay?"

Who was this woman? She amazes me, she tastes like the sweetest sugar known to man, she hides the devil somewhere inside that innocent looking shy façade, and she speaks her mind in a way and with certainty that leaves me speechless. I've just never known someone like her.

How did she know I liked her? As soon as I think I have her figured out I realize I don't. I thought she wanted to fuck and go. She said she wanted a ride. I didn't know what to do and I continued to stand there staring at the tiger-kitten wrapped up in my comforter.

"You should leave, Bella. You got what you wanted you have no obligation anymore, just go," I stated quietly not sure what I was saying, not sure I wanted her to hear it.

I didn't really want her to leave but the truth was I couldn't handle the heartbreak if she stayed. That woman had the devil inside and I need to be mindful of that. I've seen it, just glimpses but it's there. She could kill me if I gave her the room, if I let her in, and I won't do that. I won't go through that torture again. I won't walk in the darkness never knowing who I am or why I should exist. I won't come back from that again.

She opened her eyes to look at me again with irritation settling in on her face. "Shut up and come to bed, Whitlock," she commanded in an aggravated tone. I walked over and put my shorts on deciding I wasn't going to stand there naked, she was fully covered but completely naked.

"Bella, this can't work. Please just leave?" I asked her pleadingly. I didn't know what to do and I really felt like a girl, trying to get her to leave. I didn't know what to say because I was fighting my desire to love her and my desire to keep myself safe, my heart safe.

Needless to say she didn't leave that night and I slept on the sofa, refusing to give in to her. In the morning I awoke to the sounds of her visiting with Edward and making breakfast in our kitchen. Edward watched as she sashayed around in one of my t-shirts, making pancakes and eggs. We had sex again after breakfast and she convinced me she didn't want me just for my body. She just figured that was all she was going to get, just like I did, though she never specifically said she wanted a relationship.

We spent every day together. Every day for the last four weeks. We fucked regularly and sometimes made love. I would do anything for this woman. She had turned my world upside down. I didn't go to parties anymore. I didn't host parties anymore. I quit sleeping with anything that wiggled their boobs in front of me and Bella was on the receiving end of a lot of criticism for that.

There were several times where other girls had confronted her about "ruining" me and "stealing" me from them. She was a trooper and took it all in stride. I never could figure her out. Just when she seemed fragile and shy the tiger-kitten would appear and she was fierce and commanding. She was a conundrum to say the least. But she was mine. That second weekend we began to see posters for the Valentine's Day dance the school hosted. It wasn't expensive and it was supposed to be something safe we could do on campus for the evening. It wasn't really even a question if we were going, she agreed to go provided we spent the night in my apartment. Like that wasn't a given also. I was happy. I was flying. I was glad I let her into my heart. I thought nothing could go wrong.

When Valentine's Day arrived, I readied my best black suit with a black dress shirt and bolo tie, she said she liked a little southern in me. I had a crimson handkerchief in my pocket because that was the color of her dress, so she said, and I had to match. I waited outside her dorm like I was instructed. We had dinner reservations at the same French restaurant I took her to on our first date and then we were attending the dance on campus. I called her to let her know I was out front and she said she'd be right down. I was waiting patiently when I saw another guy pull up on a motorcycle, no helmet dressed in leather and denim.

I thought nothing of it as he waited for his date, this dorm houses about 250 girls. Of course he was waiting for someone else. He swung his leg around and leaned on the bike just staring at the door. I nodded at him as he looked at me and he nodded back. I was leaning up against my 2005 electric blue mustang with my arms crossed, waiting patiently. Bella came out gliding from the door with a smile looking at me. Then she set her sights on the biker, and her grin widened.

I narrowed my eyes. What, did she know this guy? After she made it down the stairs she ran into his arms and he gathered her up swinging her in a circle and kissing her.

What the *&^%$*?

My brain couldn't even process this shit! He set her down and she came over to me, to which he narrowed his eyes at me. Who the fuck did he think he was? I've spent the last month and a half with her every day! She hugged me lightly and I didn't even respond I was too busy staring down the leather monster.

"Hey Jazz," she said quietly.

"Bella?" I asked questioningly through gritted teeth as she backed up looking into my eyes and then back over at the lug nut.

"Shit sorry Jasper, but Emmett is my boyfriend and I love him. I never said I loved you; you were just a fun ride. I hope you understand. I told you I just wanted a ride. As Emmett heard this he relaxed.

He was okay with his girlfriend _just riding me_? I thought she was my girlfriend? In 6 weeks she never mentioned _Emmett!_

He came over to me. "Thanks man. You did well," he said as he patted me on the back and I just stood dumbfounded.

This couldn't be happening again. This couldn't be happening again. My brain said repeatedly.

I watched as she hooked her arm on his and they walked off towards his bike. He got on and she hopped on behind him without a second thought. Her tight red dress rode up her milky white thighs and I stood there staring. Staring as they rode off into the night together. My brain recalled my time with her as I stood there frozen, in the February temperatures in nothing more than my suit, I'm not sure how long I was there.

I really could not figure where I went wrong. It happened again. I was a fun ride. She said it, Maria said it first. Countless, nameless, faceless women in my life have said it. I just thought she was different she was a cops daughter, a good girl; she was shy, sweet, innocent. Now, that I think about it though, I knew she was dangerous. I knew she had that wicked smile. I knew she had the devil inside and I ignored it.

My heart was breaking as I realized I was going to be alone forever. That my looks were a curse. I've heard about it with women, how they think they are no one but a pretty face, but that's what I am.

I put my heart out there. I had planned to tell her tonight that I loved her. I had a locket in my pocket with our pictures in it for her. I knew I was leaning against my car thinking about how I would never be anything, I would never have anyone. I couldn't see. It was just darkness. I couldn't hear. The street noises weren't around me. I was inside myself. I was in the nothingness I had retreated to when Maria stomped on my heart in front of everyone at school. We were the perfect couple. We never fought. Then one day she just said she never loved me. She was gone. Bella was gone. She never loved me. I'm not lovable, I'm not worth loving. My mind cycled through the torture, the nothingness closing around me. I didn't care anymore. Life alone wasn't for me. Valentine's Day was for love and lovers. I was just a good ride.

I felt pain at first. As I saw her leave but then it was just numbness, nothingness, a heaviness I couldn't explain and didn't even want to try. My soul was ripped out of me. I was soulless and would never have anyone.

The next thing I knew I woke up in a hospital looking room. "Mr. Whitlock?" a voice sounded from next to me. I looked over to see a lovely older looking woman who had the same kind of bronze hair as Edward. I knew his mom was a nurse, I wondered if this was her. In the three years that I had known him I'd never met his family.

"Yes?" I responded in a whisper my throat was sore and scratchy.

"Do you know where you are?" she inquired, looking at me kindly.

I just shook my head no but answered, "The hospital?"

She gave me a sad look. "You're at the West Seattle Psychiatric Hospital," she stated serenely. I gaped at her.

"What?" I asked, looking frantically around. This was not a hospital bed and I wasn't hooked to any monitors. She was sitting at the side of my bed just watching me. "When? How? Where?" I couldn't even form sentences or thoughts. The last thing I remembered was Bella leaving me. I clutched at my chest at the thought of Bella leaving me, Maria leaving me. I looked at her while the pain threatened to overtake me. I needed answers.

She began to speak, only I don't think I could have ever been ready to hear what came out of her mouth. "Mr. Whitlock, you have been here for 3 years. Do you remember anything?" she asked calmly.

Three years? WTF?

"When? Huh?" I asked very confused. I've been asleep for three years? What am I fucking Rip Van Winkle here? My brain was on overdrive, my heart was threatening to crush me, and I was beginning to hyperventilate.

"Mr. Whitlock! Mr. Whitlock calm down. Tell me what you remember," she said placing her hand on my arm and I felt immediately calmer at her touch. I told her about Bella, Valentine's Day night.

"What year is it?" she asked all of a sudden. She did say I had been here for three years.

"Ummm 2010. I think?" I said unsure of myself and she nodded making a few notes on a clipboard.

"Mr. Whitlock do you know my name?" she asked cautiously.

I shook my head no. I honestly had no clue unless she was Edward's mom, but I didn't think she was a psychiatric nurse.

"Okay. Well, we'll help you get some things straightened out. I'll go get the doctor for you. My name is Nurse Edwards," she said as she stood and turned to the leave the room.

WHAT?

Nurse Edwards? As in Edward? They had the same weird hair color. I mulled over that information recalling with perfect detail Edward and his similarities to the nurse were striking. Just then a man walked through the door wearing a long white lab coat. As I looked into his blue sparkling eyes he introduced himself.

"Mr. Whitlock, my name is Doctor McCarty but you can call me Emmett," he said sitting down in the chair Nurse Edwards had been using and looking at a clipboard. And everything went black.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Don't own, just manipulate for my own perverse pleasure ;)**

**Now I didn't ever plan on continuing this. But things don't always turn out as planned so. I hope Ch. 2 does this story justice. I know a lot of people were confused at the end of Ch. 1…maybe this'll help…er…probably not.**

**JPOV**

* * *

**Chapter 2:**

The next thing I knew I was waking up in a room with light blue walls. I was alone this time. Not sure when it was, where I was, and honestly, I think I was questioning, who I was?

The room looked vaguely like a single hospital room but it was a regular bed. I had a nightstand next to me with a reading lamp that I could see was screwed into the table. There was chest of drawers across from the bed that looked old, heavy, and worn. And a window off to my left, the window had a grated screen covering it with a big cream colored metal frame and a key hole on one side. There were closed blinds in between the window and the screen but I could clearly see that it was daylight out. No clock in the room to speak of and no other furniture except the chair by the right side of the bed. I looked passed the chair to see a large metal looking cream colored door with a window about the size of my hand in it and small screen also covering the glass.

My stomach sank as I began recalling the events of the past. Maria, Bella, Edward, nurse Edwards? She said I was where? West Seattle Psychiatric Hospital. Fuck! I was bonkers! I didn't know what was real and what wasn't.

"Fuck," I rasped out noting my throat had that same scratchy sore feeling to it. I ran my fingers through my hair only to find that my hair was very short. It was not the long golden mess I remembered having. It was too short.

"Fuck," I muttered again as I pulled at it and then rubbed my face. Another surprise, I nearly had a full beard. Felt like I hadn't shaved in over a week. "What the fuck?" I mumbled as I continued feeling my face.

My arms were sore and tired quickly just from rubbing my face. I looked down at my body to find the muscled physique I was used to, was gone too. I was frail, thin, and my body ached as I began stretching and sitting up to move around. When I sat up, I noticed something red in my periphery and turned to see a button in the wall slightly above the bed. It was labeled nurse call button. Without a thought I pressed it. I needed answers. I needed a shave, I probably needed a shower, and I sure as hell needed something to eat.

A tall very beautiful blonde nurse came strutting in. I was so struck by her beauty it took me a minute when she asked what she could do for me, looking at me with a curious expression. "Mr. Whitlock? Mr. Whitlock? What can I do for you, sir?" she kept repeating very patiently but with a bit of a frustrated look.

I finally shook myself out of it. "I have questions," I said, like that explained everything.

"Oookay," was her response as she continued to look at me questioningly.

"What's going on?" I asked, feeling this was the broadest question to begin to get answers.

She nodded. "Ummm, be right back," she answered quickly and darted out of the room before I could respond.

I waited for what seemed like forever, in reality it was probably 5-10 minutes. I think. I'm honestly not sure of anything. Pretty soon a blonde man with a bright smile and soothing voice walked in wearing a white coat. I could only assume he was a doctor and my suspicions were confirmed when he introduced himself as Dr. Cullen.

Edward Cullen? I filed that nugget away with my many other questions and repeated my first question to him. "What's going on?"

"Well Mr. Whitlock, before I begin answering your questions, would you mind answering some for me? I know it's not fair, but I am curious as to what you remember," he stated gently as he sat in the chair by my bed and pulled a pen from his jacket pocket, making it ready to write on the clipboard he carried with him.

I asked for a glass of water which the beautiful nurse brought me and then I began telling him my story. I told him about high school, Maria, college, Bella, the part where I was confused with Nurse Edwards and Dr. McCarty. He sat there listening with great interest and never interrupted or seemed shocked.

When I was done I looked at him again and decided the 'what's going on?' question was getting me no where so I tried a more direct approach. "I don't know what's real and what's not. I don't know if this was real or if I'm hallucinating and actually lying on the ground in front of Bella's dorm, passed out," I stated, imploring him with my eyes for help. I was so confused. He nodded as though he was agreeing with my statement and trying to figure out what to say all at the same time.

"Mr. Whitlock, what were you going to college for?" he asked and I started to get upset until I realized I didn't know.

"Ummm…," was my brilliant answer. He nodded.

"Do you remember what classes you took?" he asked again. I knew I had that Civil War class with Bella. I tried to think. The memories were fuzzy. I remember the things I told him but outside of them, it was fuzzy. I looked at him again unsure of what to say.

"Mr. Whitlock, you say you spent 3 years in college and you can't remember a single class?" he asked softly, trying to confirm what I wasn't saying.

I bit my lip and nodded my head. He gave me a sad smile. "It wasn't real. Bella, Edward, the school, the classes," he said slowly gauging my reaction. How could three years of my life not be real? How come I couldn't remember 3 years of my life? I was bewildered as I stared at Dr. Cullen writing on his clipboard. It felt like forever as he scratched his pen across the paper never looking at me and finally I couldn't take it anymore.

"What happened to me?" I asked. He wrote only a few more strokes before he put his pen down and looked up at me his honey brown eyes searching mine for something.

He sighed and turned his clipboard sideways clutching it. "In clinical terms you have suffered a dissociative fugue state, they are very rare, brought on by extreme stress, and usually only last a few days at most. I have explained this to you before but you obviously don't remember it or me. However, you seem a bit more coherent this time. I have great hopes for you, Mr. Whitlock." Dr. Cullen smiled at me and I was back to confused.

"Uh huh, could you give me more than that, Doc?" I asked, absently rubbing the heavy stubble on my face. "What was a dissociative fugue state?" I asked specifically.

"Hmm, well what you remember about Maria was true and you did experience that. When she broke up with you, you got in your car and drove to Texas. Do you remember that?" he asked.

I what? I drove to Texas. Naturally, I'm from there but I don't remember doing that. So I just shook my head no, looking down. My brain felt a bit mushy, like I couldn't think straight.

He nodded and continued, "When they found you, you were talking about Maria but kept saying how you worked for her, killing people, a part of her army," he said slowly, again gauging my reaction.

Killing people? Army?

"Ummm, you know what, could I use the bathroom? Shave? Cause this is driving me crazy," I said rubbing my face and stopped to look at his reaction when I used the phrase unintentionally.

"I think that's a good idea, Mr. Whitlock. We'll get you something to eat too if you are hungry. We have lots to talk about but I also don't want to stress you out too much. I'd like to keep you here, this time," he said with a bright smile and I couldn't help but return it, even though I was far from happy.

A bit later I was refreshed, showered, shaved, and exhausted. My body couldn't take doing simple things. I had no muscle, no anything. I was literally skin and bones. Honestly, it kind of made me mad. It didn't seem like they were taking very good care of me, despite how nice everyone had been so far. Then again when I did eat, I couldn't eat much. I was full on only a half a sandwich and some pudding, that's all they'd give me and I thought they were being mean but since I couldn't finish it, I guess that wasn't the case.

I stayed in my room with the exception of the trip to the community shower which I wasn't happy about, but since I was the only person in there it wasn't bad. For a mental hospital I expected to hear a lot more crazy people, like screaming and muttering and weird stuff. Other than the staff milling about I hadn't seen or heard another patient. The bathroom wasn't far and I passed only 2 other rooms that had doors like mine before I got to the end of the hall and into the restroom. A male staff member watched silently as I shaved and immediately took the razor away, it was weird but whatever.

Sitting on my bed, I just kept replaying everything in my head that I thought was real. As I did the images of Edward and Bella got fuzzier, but Emmett remained clear. I was wondering if that was because he was real? I tried to remember something about driving to Texas but couldn't. I guess this was some sort of amnesia or something. I couldn't help but stare at my very skinny hands and legs. I was horrified to see my sunken face in the mirror and it made it difficult to shave. How could I not even recognize the person in the mirror? It was so confusing but thinking about what Dr. Cullen said, I wanted to stay around. I didn't want to disappear into my head again, so I tried to stay calm and just remember, while I waited for him to return.

I found my old watch from high school in my dresser but the battery was dead. I didn't have a sense of time and with all the weirdness around me it made me uncomfortable. After what seemed like forever and hundreds of replays of my "assumed" life in my head, Dr. Cullen returned.

"Now, Mr. Whitlock, how are you feeling?" he asked with a small smile.

"Refreshed, scared, confused...yeah that about sums it up at the moment. I don't know what day it is or even what time it is," I said, so he'd understand just a bit of my discomfort and confusion.

Everything seemed so hazy. I was honestly starting to wonder what was real and what wasn't. "Doctor? Where is my mom? Does she visit?" I asked all of a sudden with a rock in my chest. I suddenly had a bad feeling.

He nodded to the question but it was certainly not an answer to the question. "We'll get to that," he said firmly but calmly. My eyes narrowed in confusion and worry and now thoughts about my "crazy" days were replaced with worry for my mother.

"Jasper, I know you are not going to want to hear this but I can't tell you what you have been doing for the last three years. You _know_ you were here. But…beyond that I won't tell you anything to try to jog your memory. Your brain has been protecting itself by putting you in this state and it will continue to protect you, so you need to remember on your own, as your mind allows." He was looking at me intently and his honey colored eyes, expressed worry that he had already said too much.

I tried to understand the best that I could. It didn't make a lot of sense to me but I wanted to stay _awake_, so I would deal with it.

I just nodded in acceptance. I had nothing to say. Nothing to ask. I was too worried about losing myself again. I had to find out what happened to my mother and I had a feeling no one was going to tell me until I was obviously here to stay. I guess I could appreciate that, even if I didn't fully understand it.

"Mr. Whitlock-," this time I cut him off.

"Jasper, please?" I requested.

He smiled and with a nod began again, "Jasper, we have community time right now downstairs, would you like a small tour of the facility and then maybe you could join the others for movies and games?" he asked a hopeful twinkle in his eyes.

I thought about it for a moment before I realized there was something I needed to mention. "Dr. Cullen, I wouldn't mind that, but…," I looked at my hands, they were already haunting me, the memory of my face in the mirror and my frail body in the shower.

"But?" he questioned with confusion.

"Well to be honest, sir… I am very tired and I can't seem to do much without feeling a bit weak." I didn't know how else to put it. It scared me, I was 21? Was that right? OMG I lost 3 years of my life! I'm 21! I could legally drink and I'm stuck in a fucking funny farm! This was so not funny.

"That's good to know, Jasper. I wasn't aware how weak you actually are. Please by all means, rest," he indicated to my pillow with a wave of his long fingers. His hands looked healthy and normal. I suddenly was embarrassed to even be in the same room with him. I'm not used to feeling weak and frail. I'm not used to looking poorly. Those thoughts jolted me a bit as I remembered picking on kids in school that were ugly. Hearing about poor self-esteem from teachers and my mom; I always thought it was just a state of mind, either you liked yourself or you didn't. But the reality is, sometimes you don't have control over your looks. You can't always choose to be one of the beautiful people and certainly no one, in their right mind, would choose to look as I did now.

"Thank you, Dr. Cullen. I would still like that tour after I have rested. And could I at least get a clock or something?" I said lying down on my bed ready to fall asleep before he even answered my question.

"Right now, it is…" he paused looking at his watch, "…2:30, May 23, 2010. I am sorry Mr… Jasper," clocks are not allowed in the rooms. But given your mental state being able to keep track of time is important. I will see about getting you a small travel clock or something. And I'll need to know if there are blocks of time you cannot account for. If you feel you are fading in and out, so to speak. Deal?"

"Sounds good," I said through a yawn and was effectively asleep before he was even out the door.

When I woke up Bella was sitting at the end of my bed. I was in my dorm room. She looked worried. "Are you okay?" she asked quietly wringing a used tissue that she held in her hands. Upon further inspection I could tell she had been crying.

"Shit," I muttered so quietly I didn't think she even heard it. I looked around my room; it was just as I remembered it. Tidy with a desk and chair on one wall, a computer on top of it. A couple history books stacked next to the keyboard and my coat draped over the chair she had turned and was sitting in.

A closed door across from me indicated the closet and next to it was a chest of drawers. There were various posters on the walls depicting bikini clad women, my favorite collection. Realizing I still hadn't answered Bella, I looked back to her.

"What day is it?" I asked my own question as I looked down at my hands. My hands, were normal and healthy looking, not the frail, pasty look of my other reality. My other reality? I didn't know what was real. This was so confusing.

Bella cocked her head questioningly at me. "It's Friday night, our date. You freaked out or something and fainted. Edward helped me get you to the bed but then he took off with his date, muttering something about crazy idiots and being too crowded in here," she said with a shrug.

I looked at the clock and it was 1:12 a.m. I seemed to be back to our date. She didn't dump me for Emmett? Dr. McCarty? He was in both realities. He was the only one. Did that mean anything?

"Jasper? Jasper?" Bella was calling me and waving her hand in front of my face for I don't know how long.

"Umm, yeah?" I said looking at her. "Sorry, just a bit out of it. I'm sorry Bella, but I think you need to go home. I'm not feeling well," I told her without an ounce of remorse. I needed her gone so I could think about this. I sat up and felt so healthy and alive, a little dizzy but nothing major. I felt normal.

She pouted. "You're throwing me out?" she asked looking towards the door. I got up off the bed ready to escort her to the door.

"No, you just look tired and it's late, you should go home. I'll see you in class on Monday." I lied. As I spoke this all seemed oddly familiar.

"Jasper, I don't understand, you asked me if I knew about your reputation and I said I did, it doesn't bother me. I'm here. I came here on my own knowing what to expect and you're sending me away? Am I not good enough for you?" she asked as her eyes filled with tears.

Aww shit, I hate tears. Not real, this was not real. "I'm sorry Bella, just go, okay?" I said putting my hand on her back and gently pushing her through my bedroom door towards the door to the suite. "Jasper, I'm confused, you fuck women, lots of women. I know I'm not the most beautiful thing in the world and that I'm rather plain but I didn't think you minded. You asked me here," she said trying to sound brave and not let anymore tears spill that were brimming at her lower eyelids. Fuck. She thinks she's plain? This world was crazy. Wait. I'm crazy.

_Not real, not real, not real_, I chanted in my head refusing to respond to her.

"Isn't that what you do? One night stands?" Bella asked angrily. She was being rejected and not liking it.

"Ummm, this isn't about you, Bella. Please, I don't feel well," I said opening the front door for her. She sighed, bit her lower lip, and nodded her head in acceptance.

"Fine, don't call me again, Jasper, you've missed your chance," she barked out in anger and lightly stomped her way out the door and down the hall without another word.

This was so déjà vu, I needed to think. I shut the door behind her and took in the suite. The old sofa and chairs, the new television and stereo system that Edward brought with him, all of it was familiar but seemed like a dream. I wandered into the kitchen with an experiment in mind. I opened the fridge door. Yep no food. We never had food, only beer now and then. There were 3 beers. Now, if I remembered going to the grocery store and what I bought, would there be food when I open the door again. I concentrated real hard. I imagined the grocery store, the food that I would buy, milk, sandwich fixin's, eggs, bacon, sausage. I love breakfast food. I was imagining this so well I could almost taste the food. Now, when I open the fridge, I remembered going to the store there should be food, right?

With that I opened the fridge door. Empty. I guess that doesn't prove or disprove anything. If it had changed that would have proved this world wasn't real. I grabbed a beer because real or not I needed a beer. I wandered into Edward's room. It looked as I always remembered it but different somehow. It was like a dream too, I remember it, I think. I supposed it looked as though it's what I expected. I opened his top dresser drawer. Nothing unusual his meticulously folded underwear and socks in neat little rows.

Sighing and running my hands through my hair I was happy to have the long hair again. My classes could I remember my classes? I began walking to my room to find evidence of homework or grades or something that proved I was a junior in college that I was working on my degree, that I was a womanizing bastard, and that I was not in a mental institution. I walked into my room and looked around. Nothing changed, damn. Good? I just don't know what to think about all of this.

I went to sleep and woke up here. I've already lived this for months. Bella and I were together for months. I remember, I remember being willing to love her, letting her in. I remember watching her ride off with Emmett in the end. It nearly killed me. I stood in the doorway to my room remembering my time with Bella. It was foggy but it was all there. What I recounted to Dr. Cullen. Was he real?

I was getting very tired and honestly I was worried about going to sleep, where would I wake up next?

I took a long pull on my beer and just stood there staring at the half naked women on my walls. I wasn't even attracted to them. Maria. Maria did this to me. Instead of looking for school books or anything I wasn't certain if it existed or not I decided I needed to make a phone call. I taking care of this shit once and for all.

I scrolled through the numbers in my cell for the one number I never thought I'd call but always kept just so I could harass him if I needed to. I hit dial before I could think anymore about it.

"Hello?" his voice drawled out.

"Peter, its Jasper, Jasper Whitlock you fuckin' bastard," I said while I ground my teeth.

"Well hello to you too, Jasper," he said with as smile. I could fucking hear his smile.

"Listen you stupid prick, you ruined my life, you stole my girl, you fucking need to fucking die, you stupid mother-" I was livid and I didn't even know I cussing like a sailor at him until he interrupted.

"Whoa partner," he started, "I didn't do it to you, the fucking whore did it you, don't blame me for her heartless decisions. She never loved me either man, she chewed me up and spit me out just like she did you. Only difference I suppose was that I found my soul mate in a wonderful woman named Charlotte," he said and the smile returned despite the anger his sentence started with.

Well I suppose this changed things some, she used him too?

"Ummm…" was all I could say. I wasn't angry at him anymore.

"Listen man, where are ya?" he asked calmly.

"I'm in my dorm room at the University of Washington, why?" I asked completely confused.

"Awesome! What dorm and what room?"

"Huh? What? Why?" I asked stupidly.

"Cause dumbass I go to school here too. I'll come over we can talk," he said with a chuckle and I could hear a female mumbling in the background.

Not even thinking about how it was after 3 a.m. I told him where he could find me. "Either that or the nut house," I added in a mumble as I began to hang up the phone.

"What?"

"Oh nothing," I said and hung up the phone.

Peter and I were never great friends. How did I not know he was going to school here? I guess there are a couple thousand students but still.

A knock came on the door about 10 minutes later and I let my old acquaintance, also known as the man, until very recently I claimed as my arch nemesis, in. I took the final two beers from the fridge and handed him one. We toasted to old friendships, though I never really considered him a friend. We were up talking until after dawn. We got caught up, talked about school, and he was studying to become a teacher. I didn't talk much about myself. I didn't want to tell him he wasn't real and I was going nuts or was nuts, or whatever.

We devised a plan though. I showered and changed, happy to see the body that knew I worked hard to get staring back at me in the mirror. Peter went home to change and we agreed to meet at his car in 30 minutes. I packed a bag with all the things I thought I might need and walked to Peter's old Toyota Tercel. He was sitting behind the wheel with music thumping and he smiled brightly at me as I climbed in.

We drove in silence everything we had to say had already been said. When we pulled up in front of a trashy little white house two hours later, the sounds of screaming children were coming from inside. Peter and I gave each other curious glances as I knocked on the door. Honestly, I think if I knocked hard enough I could have easily knocked the rickety door down.

The door was pulled open by a small woman, her face full of acne, with her dark hair pulled back into a pony tail. She had a large pink dress on, okay it was moo-moo, and she was obviously pregnant. She held a small child on her hip and two more small kids were sitting on the floor behind her yelling and throwing things at one another, they appeared to be twins.

Peter and I looked at each other and busted up laughing.

"Maria?" we asked through our laughter and she slammed the door in our faces.

"Well that was interesting," I said through my tears of laughter.

Peter unable to speak just nodded his head and we drove off. I thought Maria had ruined my life, now I was thankful I wasn't stuck with that. I didn't know what lay ahead for me whether it was college graduation or waking up and recounting this incident to Dr. Cullen. I wasn't going to think too much about it. Instead I had decided to live my life, whatever it may bring. I was finally free from the devil inside. I learned it was never about Bella, it was never about her or Maria, it was about my own fear, my own hatred.

Reality is just a state of mind. How you live your life is what really matters.

* * *

**A/N: Okay review it, love it, hate it, confused as fuck? LOL…let me know. This is it for this one kiddies no more. I hope I did a good job on it. Please if you took the time to read it let me know.**


	3. Chapter 3

Okay folks, because of recent events, mainly my stories slowly disappearing from fanfic because they are being deemed inappropriate. I have made this story and the others will follow available on pdf. If you would like a copy please PM me your email in the following format

_**email name-at-carrier-dot- com **_

If there are any problems I'll let you know.

Please let me know what stories you are interested in or if this is the only one.

You can also find a link in my profile to TWCS where you'll find all of my completed fics posted in their entirety.

I have updated this story so it looks better, reads better, and is just all around better in my opinion. I have not updated the TWCS version as yet, but will get to that soon enough.

Thanks for all your support and love!

xoxoxoxoxoxo  
M


End file.
